


I won't regret saying this

by Adarian



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: For your Centennial I got you emotional closure, Gen, Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), happy birthday steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-06-05 17:15:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15175508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adarian/pseuds/Adarian
Summary: When Natasha learns that Tony and Pepper have gotten engaged, she encourages Steve to phone and congratulate him. During the restless night that follows, Steve ends up calling him and the conversation goes better than he ever could have hoped for.





	I won't regret saying this

**Author's Note:**

> I tried posting this last night but it looks like it didn't go through. If it magically does, sorry for double posting!
> 
> I don't exactly remember what I had in my notes but I think it was a combo of making fun of my love of Tegan and Sara, being very excited about Wolverine serving in WW2 with Cap, and I'm sure something else hilarious.

It was their second night in that hotel. They didn't usually stay twice in a row but they had run out of leads and all four of them needed a break. It was just a little motel off the highway in northern British Columbia. An old friend of Steve's had tipped him off but so far James' intel had been lackluster.

Steve was out on the balcony, leaning on the railing. It was just starting to rain again but it was light enough that it wasn't bothering him too much. He heard the door slide open and turned to see Natasha. She leaned on the railing next to him.

"You going to stew out here all night?" She asked. 

Steve shook his head. "No, just a few more minutes."

She smirked. "Okay, as long as it's only a short sulk. Otherwise I'd have to pull you back in and make you watch _Jeopardy!_ with Sam and Wanda. And they're both much better than you."

"I missed a few centuries of history," he reminded. "I feel like no one recognizes my disadvantage in pretty much every category."

Natasha reminded, "And even Sam got that question about Renoir before you did. I thought you were supposed to be a big art nerd."

"I was narrowing down the possibilities. It's not my fault Renoir's the only painter he knows about."

"Uh huh," she teased, "blame Sam for your terrible memory, old man."

Her smile faded slightly. "You know we have a rule. I don't make you talk about your feelings if you don't make me talk about mine. I'm going to have to break it, Rogers. You can tell me to go to hell, but I'd feel bad if I didn't say it."

She handed over her phone, showing the large engagement announcement on Twitter. Tony looked happy, happier than Steve had ever seen him, and Pepper had a glow about her that was hard to look away from.

Natasha said quietly, "You should phone him, Steve. It's been a year and a half. If you were going to reach out, this would be a good time. Just wish him congratulations. If he hangs up on you, at least that's a better last conversation than...well, you know."

Steve handed it back to her. "He doesn't want to hear from me, Nat. He's had my number for months and he's never called me."

"You think Tony is going to make the first move here?" She asked skeptically. "Phone him. You miss him. I know he misses you. You both did a lot of boneheaded things, not just you, Steve. He feels guilty too. Just phone him. Please."

Steve swallowed. "You should go watch _Final Jeopardy!_. Keep up your winning streak from last night."

Natasha looked at him in clear disappointment. "Okay. Don't stay out too long, Rogers. Super soldiers still get colds."

Steve stayed out on the balcony, even as it started raining. He waited until everyone else was in bed before he showered and lay down beside Sam. He closed his eyes but he couldn't sleep, just staring at the alarm clock. He lay there for hours, drifting on and off, but his nightmares kept waking him up before he could really get any rest.

Around 4:30am, he gave up. He grabbed his cell and went back onto the balcony. The rain had stopped by now but it was still cold and damp. Still, he didn't risk going back in for his jacket. He needed to keep going before he lost his nerve. 

He clicked on Tony's name in his contacts and listened as the phone dialed. He missed the old cords on his apartment building's phone, missed being able to wrap it around his fingers when he was nervously waiting. Now he was worried he might accidentally snap the phone in half.

Tony answered, "This is Stark."

Steve murmured, "Hi Tony." 

There was a long pause and finally he said, "It's Steve." 

Tony answered sharply, "I know who this is."

Steve tried not to stammer, "Right. Of course you do."

There was a long pause and Steve checked to make sure Tony hadn't hung up on him. When he saw that he hadn't, he tried again.

Steve said, "I just wanted to say congratulations. I'm really happy for you and Pepper. I wish you all the best, both of you. I know...I should probably just let you go. It was good to hear your voice, Tony."

"Cap - wait, don't go yet. Just, just give me a second."

Steve breathed out shakily. "Take your time."

Tony sighed and Steve could picture him pacing in his apartment. Drink in hand, probably. He wouldn't have been surprised if that was what the silence had been, Tony pouring himself a few fingers of scotch.

Finally, Tony admitted, "You broke my heart, Steve. I trusted you and I don't trust a lot of people. You were a good man and a good leader. I looked up to you. I thought you were one of my best friends. If this was two years ago, you would have been standing right up there with me when Pepper and I tie the knot. But you picked him. I was always so scared I'd be so screwed up you'd walk away from me and then you tossed me aside for the man who killed my parents. You...you tried to kill me, Steve. I know you stopped yourself but I saw the one truly good man in this world ram his shield into my chest."

Steve whispered, "It was never about you, Tony. I'm so sorry. I'm so-"

"Steve, I know. I've thought about it a lot. Pretty much every day. I should have seen the signs. You were close to snapping for a long time. You weren't in a good place. I wasn't either but I guess I just expected you to keep going when I couldn't. I've seen you in a fight. I've seen the animal you can be when one of our lives was on the line. You'd take anyone down who hurt one of your people and if you were always willing to die to do it if you had to. I just never thought it'd be directed at me."

"I couldn't lose him," Steve admitted. "Nothing else mattered than getting him out alive. I wasn't thinking. I just..."

Steve was on the edge of tears but he held them back. "I didn't call you for this. I don't ever expect you to forgive me because I don't deserve it. I am sorry, Tony. I did what I had to do but I never wanted to hurt you. I wish it wasn't like this. I wish..."

Tony teased, "It's okay. Pepper wants gold as one of our wedding colours and that would have clashed with your hair anyways. You would have been a very unattractive groomsman and our wedding needs to be perfect."

Steve laughed weakly. "I guess we were getting a little maudlin."

Tony sighed deeply. "I'm not good at this. Neither are you though. I guess that's how we got into this mess in the first place. You should have told me, Steve. You were looking for him for years and I thought it was just because you'd do that for any of your friends. You should have told me."

Steve's mouth went dry. "Told you what?"

"That you were in love with him. People do really stupid stuff when they're in love. Trust me, I know. I might not have taken it so personal. I probably would have, but let me think highly of my emotional growth. It feels a bit better to be stabbed in the back for true love instead of just a slightly better friend. It is true love, right?" 

Steve confessed, "I'm going to ask him to marry me, Tony."

"Jesus, and I thought I was bad for waiting seven years. Seventy years. That's a hell of a long courtship."

He laughed. "Well, I'm not known for moving real fast in relationships."

"I...I'm happy you found someone. I wish it had been someone else but if you're happy, I'm happy for you. I hope he treats you well. I hope he's...better, if that's a thing he can be."

"He is. He's working on a farm if you can believe it. The guy grew up in Brooklyn and he's sweating in the dirt chasing after goats. He's healing. He's more and more like his old self. As much as any of us can be."

Tony paused. "Cap, I know I asked, but I don't think I can talk about him right now. Maybe...maybe the next time you phone me. I know you're probably busy fighting alien terrorists or something else exciting. But I'd like it if you called again. I won't even record it for the CIA."

Steve smiled. "Yeah, yeah, I'd like that too. You take good care of yourself, Tony."

"You too. Try not to get shot before I see you next."

Tony ended the call and Steve held the phone to his chest. He started crying but he wasn't really sad. He was relieved. Tony didn't hate him. Tony wanted to talk to him again, maybe even see him one day. It wasn't fixed but it wasn't destroyed. He could work with that. 

He went back into the hotel room and lay back down beside Sam. Sam tossed in his sleep but then relaxed again. Wanda and Natasha both snored away happily, Nat keeping a protective arm around the girl. 

Steve thought about sending a text to Bucky but decided not to. He put the phone on the end table and closed his eyes. Sam gave him a kick and Steve curled his legs up, snuggling into his pillow to avoid the restless sleeper. He fell asleep and dreamed he was wearing a golden tux, checking himself out in the mirror while Tony made fun of his beard.


End file.
